Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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