Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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