the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
