Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
