I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
