He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
