If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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