Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
