Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
