so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
