if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
