somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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