So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
