I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
