I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
