I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
