Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
