You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
