You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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