The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
