if i can run in heels then i can drive
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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