Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
