I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
