yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
