I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
