at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
