More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
