you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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