Where did you get a picture of my penis
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
