Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
