have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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