just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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