i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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