Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
