God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
