I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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