I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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