take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
