i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize