May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
