I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
