and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
