he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
