After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
