my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
