i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
