A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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