"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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