you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
