Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
