Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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