There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
