Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
