i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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