In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
