if i can run in heels then i can drive
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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