New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
