Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
