just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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