end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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