I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
