i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We have so much sex to catch up on
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
