so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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