Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
