He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
