I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
