I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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