We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
