Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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