I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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